Saturday, November 10, 2007

Spiritual Vertigo

The last couple days I have been experiencing heavy vertigo. My whole world spins when I suddenly move. It can sometimes incapacitate me, but in most cases it lasts about two weeks and is caused a build up of calcium deposits in the inner ear.

However, the situation has me thinking and spiritually I feel the same way as my body. Whenever I start to go in any direction of spiritual focus, I get spun around. Soon, I get exhausted and I am incapable of doing much of anything. This is the difficulty I face when I look at the future. In a year, or six months, or a month, week, day, it doesn`t really matter how far I think ahead I cannot do anything in this condition. I think I need healing, but it is the type that takes time. So many memories of disappointments and failures creep their way back into your mind. They suck the joy from the now and spin us so that we can`t be effective.
The hauntings of our failures, the voice that whispers, "it all just happen again."
Be it conscience or devil we all hear this whisper and believing in spite of failure can take time.

It is best not to question the length of time that will just lead to more struggle. Trust God and confidently hope for healing and you will have it in its time. His healing comes in many forms and it is sure unto salvation. Let us not harden our hearts thinking God will never deliver us. This is the lesson of the saint, the one who endures to the end and does not abandon faith.
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